Contact Us | Privacy Statement       Quick Links: Find Your Focus Zone Resources  |  Articles |  Past Newsletters  |  Additional Links     Table of Contents Read Chapter 1   Your Child Mirrors You By Lucy Jo Palladino, PhD “Daddy, your Blackberry is like my GameBoy. When is it time for you to put it away?” To juggle home and office, job and family, we all multitask. It’s efficient to read the newspaper at breakfast, return a call while you shop, and check email as you help with homework. But your actions send signals you don’t mean to send. They train your child to imitate your divided attention and ignore the person in front of him – you! Mirror Neurons Children do as we do, not as we say, and scientists have discovered why. Systems inside the brain called “mirror neurons” respond identically whether you perform an action or witness someone else perform the same action. Your reaction is involuntary and automatic. You’ll play better tennis with a skilled opponent, speak more eloquently with an articulate friend, and feel excited as a stadium fills in anticipation of a big game. Mirror neurons are the reason why it’s easier to stay calm when someone else is calm, or get angry when someone else is angry. Modeling Mirror neurons exercise more influence in some situations than in others. People with emotional significance to you are strong models. And children are as impressionable as warm wax. During the formative years, parents are powerful models for children. With nothing but good intention, if you half-listen to your child while you’re getting breakfast ready, your child learns - involuntarily and automatically - to half-listen to you. The next time you talk to him but he’s distracted because he might miss his favorite TV show, take a deep breathe, contain your frustration, and try to be objective. Does he remind you of the way you half-listened to him when you were trying not to burn the toast? You Are Your Child’s First Teacher If you’re a parent, the most compelling reason to improve your own attention skills could be the benefits it will have for your children. If you’re scattered, your child will be even more so. (On the other hand, if you micromanage, your child will rebel; micromanaging triggers a survival brain mechanism — the fight-or-flight response.) Your ability to influence your child by your example will never be greater than it is right now. The eminent psychologist Carl Jung once said, “If there is anything we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves.” Tips to Model Attention Skills for Kids 1. Spend some time every day paying total, undivided attention to your child. 2. When you’re with your child, limit the time and extent you multi-task. 3. If you need to multi-task, use it as an opportunity to model courtesy. For instance, address your child, “Honey, please excuse me while I take this call. It’s the one I told you about before.” 4. Model the specific actions you want your child to imitate – good eye contact, a calm attitude, caring about what the other person is saying and not just what you’re going to say or do next. 5. Ask yourself frequently, “At this moment, what is my action teaching my child?” Lucy Jo Palladino, PhD is the author of Find Your Focus Zone: An Effective New Plan to Defeat Distraction and Overload (Free Press, 2007).
© Your Focus Zone 2007. All rights reserved. | Home | Books | Speaking | Press | Resources | Contact Us | Privacy Statement